Dealing With The Loss Of Friendships.

A recent situation that resulted in the end of a friendship has got me reminiscing about my past friendships and thinking about my current ones. What else is there to do but think in the midst of a nationwide lockdown right? 

 During this, I deeped how much the end of a friendship hurts and how often it’s not talked about, if you think about it, all we’ve known from the movies that we’ve watched is how to get over a romantic relationship. I think I’ve had about 3 breakups that all ended with me lying in bed, eating an unhealthy amount of ice cream and crying until I pass out, but of course, that’s what we’re thought to do, to just let your feelings out and go through the healing process. There’s no shortage of advice on how to get over your ex or that one person in your life but when it comes to the end of friendships it’s barely mentioned. 

Last year, after being close friends with someone for many months, I realised that I hadn’t spoken to her in a few days because I wasn’t the one calling to check-in, I decided not to call and it took six months for us to talk again. Recently again, the same thing happened with the same friend- since voicing my feelings about this we haven’t spoken since. I think that hurt more because not only did I realise that the friendship was completely onesided, but it felt like she also didn’t respect me enough to change and become a better friend.

Now that I’m in my twenties, friendships are more sacred than ever. I’ve spent the whole of my teenage years falling out and making up with people that it almost felt like a chore to keep up friendships, which is why I truly believe that in relationships both platonic and romantic they should serve a purpose in your life. In a way, everything should be reciprocated and often it isn’t. Isn’t funny how we make allowances in plutonic relationships more than we do in romantic ones? We’re more likely to let things slide and forgive when it comes to our friends. Surely the same things that we wouldn’t settle for in a romantic partner should be the same thing that we wouldn’t settle for in a friendship? I have decided that moving on in my life to only maintain friendships that serve a purpose in my life, where all efforts are being reciprocated.

Everyone always thinks that for a friendship to end there has to be some sort of big betrayal but that’s not always the case; I had a friend who I was really good friends with all throughout school but we fell out of touch because we were both at completely two different stages of our lives. Sometimes, people change that they no longer fit in with your live and other times people just aren’t good friends to you, which in itself is a sort of betrayal. For many, our close friends are in a way our support system, so having someone who isn’t there for you not only serves no purpose in your life but is also a good enough reason to end a friendship.

So, how do you deal with the loss of friendships? Just like going through a break up there no clean-cut rule on how even though there are many tips out there, the same thing applies to friendships. No one really knows how to get over the sudden end of someone being in your life but one thing that I know is that closure helps. Sometimes speaking to the person can help ease the confusion other times it does more damage than good, for me writing, this is my way of closure to allow me to move on and focus on friendships that provide more with more support and comfort than they do stress.