With the start of the new year just one day away I’ve found myself reminiscing over the last year, I mean who doesn’t get a little nostalgic at this time every year right?
In the midst of all my nostalgia, I’ve found that this year has been a very long one, though I’m not sure if I have the knowledge that it is also the end of the decade to thank for that- either way this year has been a year filled with massive amounts of growth and change. Which I suppose is a good thing, I mean you can’t possibly expect the year to end exactly how it started, life is filled with the unexpected and this year proved just that.
To put things in perspective, this year alone I have; changed career paths, change jobs (like 50 times), found a new love for writing/blogging, started new friendships, ended relationships, started on a path to know myself more- and that not even half of it.
In the midst of all these happenings not one thing was anticipated,and i know it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in your life all the time (unless you’re psychic) but if you’re anything like me and like to have control over what’s happening then if can often leave you in a constant state of anxiety.
The last few months of the year has done a complete 180 degree turn, kicked my ass and thrown the unexpected at me so much so that I’ve been bracing myself for what’s going to happen next. However, one thing that I’ve found comfort in while looking back is that none of it killed me.
Life Goes On
Weirdly, this year I was of the belief that for something to go good for me, something bad has to happen first. Very pessimistic of me, I know- but that’s genuinely how I felt.
It was quite bad to the point that was bracing myself for the next bad thing to happen. I guess sometimes waiting for things to happen isn’t necessarily always bad because you can prepare and anticipate something bad happening and then you can deal with it better.
But one thing I’ve learnt quite reluctantly if I might add is that life will always happen, whether its good or bad and i’ve learnt to be okay with that.
Ask For What You Want
This is one lesson that I’m definitely taking with me to 2020. It’s not really one that you’d think that you have to teach yourself, but here I am, nineteen years old and I’ve had to learn how to ask for exactly what I want.
But why would I or anyone find it difficult to ask?
I think it comes down to always wanting to be that independent, go-getter that knows what she wants and works hard to get it- which isn’t necessarily a bad thing because I, like many others, hate relying on people.
However, when it comes to things like friendships, relationships, work and every other aspect of my life, I’ve come to realise that they should all serve a purpose. Getting less than what I want doesn’t serve me in anyway so why not ask for what i want?
It’s Ok To Be Selfish
I spent the last 19 years of my life always putting people’s feelings before mine because i was taught not to be greedy, share what you have, and in a way be a selfless as mother teresa.
It wasn’t until about three weeks ago when I got asked if i was looking after myself that i really thought about it. I mean, yes of course i looked after myself. I eat, i shower, I do everything I can to physically look good. But when asked if i was looking after myself in other aspects of my health (mental and emotional) that I then realised that in those aspects I was severely lacking.
I realised that i shouldn’t wait until I am physically and emotionally exhausted to pay attention to my mental health. So in 2020 and going forward, im being selfish and taking better care of myself by saying no to things that mentally exhausts me.